Thursday, July 23, 2009

13 Unlucky Pet Names You Should Avoid

I know you really, really want to express your affection to your lover and show how clever you are at the same time. However, lovey-dovey language can be so corny it makes you want to heave chunks. But researchers have found that it might actually serve a purpose: Pet names pave the way to a playful, durable, and satisfying relationship. One study on couples' pet names published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships reported that the more goofy names, made-up terms, and covert requests for nooky a couple used, the higher their relationship satisfaction tended to be. So, if you want to make it to your 50th anniversary, I suggest that you create awesome pet names for one another and do not use any of the following terms of endearment:

"Fartsy" – Even if you both are comfortable enough to do this in front of one another, and for that I applaud you, flatulence is probably not the romantic ideal for a pet name.

"Second Choice" – We all treasure in the deepest, most secret place in our heart “the one who got away”, but perhaps a pet name that does not reflect life’s lost loves is in order here.

"My Little Howler Monkey"- Unless your mate is very hairy and has a thing for bananas, this pet name is one to avoid.

"Moro" (Short for moron) – I question the romantic notion of critiquing your mate’s intelligence in the pet name that you choose for them. This cutesy name is definitely one to rethink.

"Pumpkin", "Kumquat", "My Little Zucchini" (or any other unflattering fruit or vegetable shape) – Who needs to be compared to unsexy vegetables?

Any other name besides yours- Awkward! A pet name definitely to be avoided at all cost if you want to see your next anniversary together, much less number 50.

"Pudge" - Even though we should embrace how we are and be proud of our bodies, who needs to be reminded that they could stand to loose a few pounds?

"Baby Momma or Baby Daddy" – And though this may be true, perhaps something more romantic than a term that reflects your mates sperm or ova donation is in order here.

"Floppytrunk" – Honestly, at the end of the day, who truly doesn’t love a floppytrunk? Although this is almost universally true, perhaps something slightly more flattering would be a better choice of pet names.

"Paycheck" – It has always been my motto not to bite the hand that feeds me, and this pet name gnaws the hand that feeds you right up to the metaphorical elbow. It has been my experience that “sugar daddies” and “sugar mommies” want to live in the fantasy of being loved for who they are, and not what they have. You owe it to them to leave them in this dream world with some other pet name.

"Thunderchunky" – This sounds more like a flavor of ice cream than a pet name. Let’s shelve this term of endearment forever.

"Fido" – That’s just mean.

"Slutty Buddy" – You may want to make sure that the notion that you are both just friends with benefits is correctly understood, I would avoid using this as a pet name for your lover. Just remember, the pet name you choose for your lover is also a reflection on you!

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