Wednesday, July 1, 2009

How to Survive Another Birthday: 13 Lucky & Fun Tips

Birthdays do not have to be a bad thing. Getting older can be fun! Here are some tips that can help you survive that dreaded day that we mark the gradual passing of mortality.

Hum (or whistle) the birthday song all day, over and over.

Send out a press release to all media outlets in order to inform them that there is a HUGE story unfolding today at your address. Then call 911 and make sure the fire department and police arrive at your doorstep at the same time. When they show up at your house, give them party hats and thank them for coming to your party!

Sign a contract with a company that will cytogenetically freeze your body at your death, preserving it until they can resuscitate you in the future.

Visit someone much older than you, such as someone in a nursing home, on your birthday. If you are already in a nursing home, then go visit a funeral home. (This should have the same effect for your situation.)

Wear a cape or a tiara on your birthday. If you are feeling really adventurous, wear both!

Ask total strangers what they got you for your birthday. If they respond in any way, hop up and down while shouting, “Ahhhhh, I’m not supposed to talk to people!”

Have a midlife crisis on your birthday, no matter what age you are! It is important that you do it right: have an affair, buy an expensive sports car, then quit your job and move to a beach somewhere in Belize.

Wear something that someone 29 years younger than you would wear. If you are 30, then yes, go ahead and wear diapers that day! You will be amazed at how young you feel!

Order the most expensive dish at your favorite restaurant. When the check comes tell them that it is your birthday and that is policy that you do not have to pay.

Make every single person you run into sing the Happy Birthday song to you.

Treat yourself to some completely elective plastic surgery.

Randomly Scream “I can’t believe it’s my birthday!!” at random moments throughout the day. (Be creative)

Call your local post-office or a bank and ask them if they are open, if they ask why tell them because it’s your birthday.

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