Thursday, May 28, 2009

Do Your Housework: 10 Great Jobs You Can Do From the Comfort of Your Own Home

Are you tired of the rat race? Are you sick of your seemingly endless and smelly commute on long stretches of highway to an unrewarding and unfulfilling job? Do you find yourself fantasizing about slaying all those you work with because you are brutalized by the office politics you face on a daily basis? Are you tired of the constant grind of pressure that comes from working in a cubicle as a faceless number enslaved by the power of unmitigated corporate greed? Then perhaps you should consider working from home. Make a healthy lifestyle change that will make you a happier and more fulfilled person. For your convenience I have compiled a list of remarkable jobs you should consider pursuing. These jobs will enable you to live and work from the same wonderful place: you own home.

1. President of the United States. This is the single greatest job you can do from your home, if your home happens to be 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

2. Marijuana Horticulturalist. Are you equally good with plants as you are with people? Do you enjoy the quiet life of the farmer as much as the adventure of living with extreme risk to your personal well being? Then perhaps a career in growing and dealing pot might just be for you. Just add some sunshine and rain and you can make your home into a green house of fun! If this appeals to you, also consider becoming a Meth Lab technician.

3. Funeral Home Director. This is an easy way to make ‘dying’ your ‘living’. Open your home up to whacky world of wakes and watch the money come pouring into your home.

4. Pope. Bishop of Rome. Vicar of Jesus Christ. Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church. Ruling Sovereign of the Vatican State. Whatever your favorite title is, this is a great job that allows you to work from your home, which just happens to also be small principality nestled within the city of Rome, Italy. Although this job is extremely hard to get, the benefits and compensation are unmatched. Also, once you get this job you literally have this job for life!

5. Ghost. This is a great home career option for those who like to work late at night. Particularly for those who like to work bumping around late at night, while moving household items around and clomping around dimly lit stairways and hallways.

6. Cloistered Monk. Live, eat and pray each and every day safe within the beautiful confines of elegant stone walls and manicured gardens. You will have all your meals, medical care, and all of your personal needs taken care of for the rest of your life for the low cost of extreme personal poverty and a lifetime of abstinence from any type of sexual activity.

7. Fake ID Maker. The fulfillment you will receive to help those on the fringe move back into the welcoming arms of society will be worth having a home office in the seediest part of town. Just try to imagine all the job satisfaction you will get working with sketchy folks and welcoming them back onto the grid.

8. Crazy Computer Virus Programmer. Unleash your creativity from the comfort of your own home. Grow your beard out to crazy lengths. Work wearing only your coffee stained t-shirt and underpants. Disregard all personal hygiene! Who cares? You’re a crazy computer virus programmer!!

9. Faith Healer. Do you like people? Have you ever considered a career in health care? Do you have a gift of healing the sick by merely touching them with your miraculous hands? Then sit back in your easy chair and watch the lines of the sick and the disabled come to your front door. Make sure you have your donation box ready!

10. Oracle. Telling the future from your home is a great way to make a living, just ask those virgins at Delphi!

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