Calvin’s 7 Lucky Ways to Save More Money by Spending Less

Saving money - anyone can do it! Here are my strategies for saving more by spending less. How much you save has little to do with how much you make, so forget the excuses; here's a road map I have developed for finding money by saving the money you didn't know you had.

1. I do not exercise. In fact, I try not to move very much during the day at all. By remaining completely motionless for most of the day, I do not burn away precious calories that I have to replenish by buying food to eat.

2. I save a lot of money by taking long hot showers. If you take short, cold showers the goose bumps will wear away the bar of soap faster. It’s like running cheese over a cheese grater! By taking a nice hot shower, you let the hot water remove most of the dirt, and slow the wear and tear on the bar of soap. Saving soap = saving money!

3. I avoid all occasions where I am required to “tip” a service employee. I save a lot of money by never going to coffee shops, bars, restaurants, hotels, airports, delis, or ordering food to be delivered to my home, or going on vacation, riding in taxis, having my car washed, having my carpets steam cleaned, taking my laundry to the wash and fold or going to my favorite Chinese Take Out.

4. I try to spend as much time as I can completely naked. This way, I save precious time and money not having to launder my clothes as often.

5. I always slice my pizza into 12 pieces rather than 8 pieces. By doing so, I have 4 additional slices of pizza to eat. I also like to cut my hamburger into 4 pieces rather than just two. You would be amazed at how much two additional pieces really curb my appetite. This simple solution really helps stretch out the “fast food” budget.

6. I have become a devout Jehovah’s Witness. By doing so, I no longer have to recognize Christmas or my family and friends’ birthdays’. I save a great deal of money not having to buy those pesky cards and gifts because of my new religious convictions.

7. I try to sleep between 10 to 12 hours each day, and even more on weekends. I also try to nap as frequently as possible. When I am not tired, I take sleeping pills to assist the natural process. I cannot spend money if I am sleeping, and as I always say, a penny saved is a penny earned.

Milk the Cash Cow: 10 Fun and Fast Ways to Make Extra Money in Your Spare Time

Let’s face it – times are tough right now. Most people are finding it harder and harder to make ends meet. However, there are plenty of ways to add a few dollars to your empty pockets. Don’t waste your time trying to find a second job or making your current job more profitable. All the good jobs are taken already, and why work harder when you can just work smarter? All it takes is some determination and some extra time and soon you will be rolling in the cash you make from following my tips.

1. Blackmail your co-workers. Most of the people you work with are lowlife losers with skeletons in their closets that they would rather not have anyone know about. With a little time and some crafty investigating, you can uncover all their deepest darkest secrets and extort them for money in return for your silence. If you are in the small minority of people whose co-workers are completely innocent of any crime or embarrassing situations that would get them fired, then you may want to consider framing them for a crime that they did not commit. Remember, the more co-workers you blackmail, the more money you can make! Soon the cash will come flowing in!

2. Sell nude photos of yourself on the Internet. It seems like everyone enjoys pictures of naked people and are willing to pay top dollar for them! People have been selling and buying naked pictures of people since man could draw naked women on the inside of their cave walls after the big hunt was over and everyone settled down to east some wholly mammoth around the big fire. If you yourself are really unattractive, then consider selling nude photos of your family and friends. Just remember not to tell them, otherwise they will unfairly want some of the money you made from the sale.

3. Read to the blind, then demand payment for your time. This can be a fun and profitable way to catch up on all those books you have been meaning to read anyway.

4. Sell your internal organs. Fortunately, God has blessed us with two of most of our organs, seemingly so that we can sell the extra one that we have! For those rare organs we only have one of, we are lucky that we get even more money for them. Make sure you consult your doctor before you sell your organs, just to make sure that you can survive without the organ you are planning to sell.

5. Scam very old, the incredibly young, and the really gullible out of their money. You would be surprised as to how many old, young and gullible people there are with lots of money. It is my experience that with the right kind of scam, it is really easy to trick them out of a great deal of cash. At first, it might seem wrong to take all their earnings in this way. Although you are taking their money, you are also teaching them a valuable life lesson, and honestly, can we put a price tag on quality education?

6. Rent the spare space you have in your home out to total strangers. If you have extra space, consider renting it out to folks who are in need of a place to stay. A couch, an attic, the crawlspace beneath your porch; these places are all potential money makers for you and someone desperate enough to pay just to get out of the wind and rain.

7. Start your own secret taxi company. It’s really easy! Just make a card board sign, paste it to your car door and go to places where people need rides and charge them for a lift. I suggest inner city bars after closing time and bus stations late at night as some really profitable places to find friendly folks who need rides.

8. Hot glue and stencil stuff on your junk and sell them as 'crafts'. Don’t just throw your crap away, stencil a goose on it, or hot glue a red, white and blue sequined American Flag on it and then sell it. People love to buy crafts, and to many, its an addiction. They can't help but pay for crap that other (less savvy) people would just throw away. Just remember: as much money as you make selling your junk as "crafts" you can make even more if you call it “art".

9. Plunder and pillage small coastal fishing villages. Do you enjoy being outdoors and on the water especially on those warm, sunny summer days? Then this method of making extra cash is the one for you! Plundering and pillaging was very successful for the Vikings for centuries, and still is popular today with Somali pirates.

10. Panhandle. As I always say, the direct route is often the best route. Just ask strangers that you meet on the street for money. The key is to be persistent and not take ‘no’ as an answer. You will be surprised how many people will pay you to just go away and leave them alone!