10 Ideas That Will Help You Avoid Being Attacked by the Reanimated Corpse of a Recently Deceased Loved One (And how to survive if you are!)

1. In that it is good advice to never go to bed angry with a loved one, never let anyone you love die when they are still holding a grudge against you. No good can ever come if someone you love passes away angry at you.

2. Place defensive charms and spells all about your body that repeal the undead.

3. Place defensive charms and spells all about your loved one's body that repeals the undead. A particularly good time to do this is before they are buried: stuff their casket with as much garlic, silver, and crucifixes as it will hold.

4. Always carry a sharp scythe or an ax with you at all times to easily decapitate the reanimated corpse to stop its attack.

5. If possible, insist that everyone you know be cremated when they pass away. If cremation is not in accord with their religious beliefs, simply insist that the undertaker remove their arms, legs and head before burial.

6. Surround your home with a moat of flaming liquid lava. Although not the most pleasing choice in landscaping, the practicality of it will overcome the esthetic deficiencies.

7. Ask all of your family and friends to try to avoid being reanimated as vengeful zombies after they pass away. Encourage them to avoid any dealings voodoo witch doctors and evil scientists.

8. Create a safe room hidden somewhere in your house that is impervious to attack and wait out the attack. Stock it with enough food, fresh water and supplies to last you the amount of time it takes for a human body to decompose in your particular climate. (You will need more supplies in the cold north where bodies do not decompose as quickly, fewer supplies in the humid areas of the south for example.) Do not give your secure codes out to your loved ones, as they might remember those codes when they are reanimated and attack you.

9. Where ever you go, plan an escape route that will lead you to safety in the event you are attacked by the reanimated corpses of a recently deceased loved ones. Plan for this event every time you go somewhere new, such as hotels, cemeteries, and the laboratories hidden in basements of haunted castles.

10. Try to be nice. Nice people are rarely attacked by the reanimated corpses of a recently deceased loved ones.

Surviving Your Wedding Day Jitters

Congratulations! You are finally getting married. You have met and fallen in love with the person whom you have chosen to spend the rest of your life. So why are you nervous? Those wedding day jitters are merely your mind’s natural and healthy response to one of the most important decisions you will make in your lifetime.

I find that with some mental discipline, you can curb some of the anxiety that will occur the day of your wedding. Here are some important things it is important that you do not think about the day of your wedding. Follow these simple mental guidelines, and you are sure to enjoy the special day of the commitment of your eternal love.

1. Try not to think of this person you are about to join in matrimony as the last person you will ever have sex with again. Ever.

2. Do not spend a great deal of time with your fiancée’s large, obnoxious and unattractive family, because you may imagine every future holiday and special event of your life being surrounded by them.

3. Do not look at your fiancée’s parents and grandparents and imagine your future spouse at their age.

4. Try not to think of your favorite past lovers, especially those who broke your heart, or whom you consider “the one that got away”.

5. Do not mentally calculate the total cost of your wedding.

6. Do not think about all your fiancée’s flaws, annoying habits, or poor hygiene routines.

7. Try not to reminisce about all the freedom you enjoyed in your youth.

8. Do not envision your life as a middle aged person trapped in a dead end job with a crushing mortgage and insurmountable credit card debt, with ungrateful hungry children and with a lifetime of regrets and broken dreams under your belt.

9. Do not compare your relationship to the seemingly perfect and happy relationships your friends seem to enjoy.

10. Do not mentally calculate the odds of infidelity (Percentage of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional: 41%), domestic abuse (It is estimated that a domestic violence act occurs every 15 seconds somewhere in the United States. That figure translates to over 2.5 million victims per year), and divorce (Percentage of marriages that end in divorce in America: 53% that occur annually in the United States.