SHHH! How to Quiet the Voices in Your Head

Do you hear voices in your head? Do they speak to you, offering you occasional advice or a running commentary of your daily activities? Sometimes, those pesky voices in you head can become too loud and too demanding. Often, it is hard to even hear yourself think over their constant bickering, pestering, and nagging. Personally, the voices become most bothersome when I am alone late at night, holding myself as I am rocking back and forth on the floor. However, I do not let this get me down! I have decided to share how I quiet the voices that I hear in my head in order to help you do the same.

1. Give the voices in your head something quiet to read.

2. Teach the voices in your head to sing four part harmony, like a barbershop quartet.

3. Write a play for the voices that they can act out.

4. Have your voices re-enact scenes from your favorite movies and TV shows.

5. Teach your voices sign language. When they become chatty, encourage them to sign for you.

6. Envision your mind with a volume control or a mute button. Then place the voices in your head on mute.

7. Wear a sound proofed helmet at all times.

8. Create some imaginary quiet hobbies for your voices such as origami, scrap-booking, or crocheting

9. Imagine that the voices in your head belong to mimes. Then when they talk, remind them they are mimes and should not be talking, then force them into a glass box and walk away.

10. Create a vacuum in your mind. Remember, sound does not travel in a vacuum.

11. Create a delicious meal in your mind. Gorgeous spread with all the favorite dishes of the voices in your head. Now imagine that the food is laced with sleeping pills.

12. Create a nation-state in your mind. Then stage a mental coup, declare yourself dictator for life of your mental nation, then repeal any personal freedoms your voices currently enjoy, such as freedom of speech and freedom of expression. When the voices protest, have them arrested, tortured, tried and then executed. Returning your mind to a republic after the voices have been removed is your option.