Friday, June 12, 2009

Calvin’s 7 Lucky Ways to Save More Money by Spending Less

Saving money - anyone can do it! Here are my strategies for saving more by spending less. How much you save has little to do with how much you make, so forget the excuses; here's a road map I have developed for finding money by saving the money you didn't know you had.

1. I do not exercise. In fact, I try not to move very much during the day at all. By remaining completely motionless for most of the day, I do not burn away precious calories that I have to replenish by buying food to eat.

2. I save a lot of money by taking long hot showers. If you take short, cold showers the goose bumps will wear away the bar of soap faster. It’s like running cheese over a cheese grater! By taking a nice hot shower, you let the hot water remove most of the dirt, and slow the wear and tear on the bar of soap. Saving soap = saving money!

3. I avoid all occasions where I am required to “tip” a service employee. I save a lot of money by never going to coffee shops, bars, restaurants, hotels, airports, delis, or ordering food to be delivered to my home, or going on vacation, riding in taxis, having my car washed, having my carpets steam cleaned, taking my laundry to the wash and fold or going to my favorite Chinese Take Out.

4. I try to spend as much time as I can completely naked. This way, I save precious time and money not having to launder my clothes as often.

5. I always slice my pizza into 12 pieces rather than 8 pieces. By doing so, I have 4 additional slices of pizza to eat. I also like to cut my hamburger into 4 pieces rather than just two. You would be amazed at how much two additional pieces really curb my appetite. This simple solution really helps stretch out the “fast food” budget.

6. I have become a devout Jehovah’s Witness. By doing so, I no longer have to recognize Christmas or my family and friends’ birthdays’. I save a great deal of money not having to buy those pesky cards and gifts because of my new religious convictions.

7. I try to sleep between 10 to 12 hours each day, and even more on weekends. I also try to nap as frequently as possible. When I am not tired, I take sleeping pills to assist the natural process. I cannot spend money if I am sleeping, and as I always say, a penny saved is a penny earned.

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