Thursday, August 20, 2009

The 10 Biggest Strains on Your Relationship, and How to Avoid Them

As common as our relationship problems are, we often misunderstand what it is that makes these things occur. Much of the time they come from hidden meanings of our words and action patterns within us, not from the behavior or attitudes of others. The problem is we often don't notice the role that we play in the relationship.

We all experience relationship problems from time to time. Most people are confused about what it takes to create happy, successful, long-term interpersonal relationships. Surprisingly, they the most stressful rarely are about money or sexual dysfunction. I have listed the ten most common situations that can cause stress on your relationships, and some thoughtful and practical advice on how to deal with them.

1. You find out that your spouse is an alien, a genie, a robot, or some type of non-human. What could me more stressful than finding out that your lover is not even human? It is totally understandable if this became a strain on your relationship. My advice in this situation is either revoke your humanity and become whatever it is that your lover is, or break off the relationship entirely. However, let me caution you to break it off gently and try to remain friends, as they are likely to be more powerful than you and want to destroy you.

2. You find out after the wedding that you are actually related to one another. Finding out that you actually very closely related to your lover is very stressful, just ask Oedipus. However, it doesn’t have to be a total downer for your relationship. My advice is this: Just try and forget the situation, live it up and enjoy it! I mean, you had no idea she was your sister or mother! It’s not like it’s your fault – why should you be made to suffer?

3. One of you has another secret family that you are keeping hidden in another state. Really? You thought that having two wives and two sets of families was a good idea?? One is bad enough. You made your bed pal, or in this case, TWO beds, so you need to sleep in them. I have no sympathy for you; you deserve all the stress you made for yourself, buddy.

4. Your lover is a member of warring tribe or clan that has a blood feud with your family. Family drama is the worst! Whether you are Romeo or Juliet, a Jet or a Shark, a Hatfield or a McCoy, my only advice for you is to follow your heart: elope and then come back and totally decimate your lover’s clan. It’s really the only way it will work out. Your spouse is likely to learn to forgive you over time.

5. One of you is not even alive. Too many times us sensitive types fall for the dead or the undead, a vampire, ghost or a zombie. No good can come of it, they will eventually try to exsanguinate you or to open your head like a ripe melon and eat your brain. Its best to leave these undead relationships to the undead and find a living, breathing lover, especially one that has no desire to kill and eat you.

6. Balancing your family life with your career of a costumed crime fighting superhero. There is no use keeping this a secret from your family. They will inevitably find your tights and cape, and then start asking some pointed questions. For their safety and yours, only date other super powered meta-human mutants.

7. One or both of you are an undercover super spy. Unless you for both spying for the same country, this usually will end in disastrous results. And lets be honest with ourselves, there is no way of knowing what side a spy is on, they could be counterspies or a mole of some type. Drop the spy and fall in love with some boring government bureaucrat or the cute clerk at the DMV.

8. You are currently having a secret affair with a member of your spouse’s family. It’s totally understandable, the things you found attractive in your lover are also going to be present in their family members as well. Honestly, there is no reason to let this stress your relationship, just keep it quiet and for once, have your genetic cake and eat it too.

9. You are an assassin assigned to assassinate your spouse. Admittedly, having to assassinate your spouse can cause undue strain on your relationship. However, you are an assassin and this is what you were trained to do, so you should probably go ahead and pull the trigger. Your only other option is to become a contemptuous, filthy, disgusting, treasonous bastard son of a whore not worthy of the air you breathe. It’s your choice.

10. You say “potato”, he says “potahto”. Stressful and annoying. Dump him immediately.

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  1. I like the super spy wife part. But the constant attempts on my life by her and her "associates" would just get sooo old after awhile. Like her gossipy friends. Too high maintenance for me. Makes you wish for an old timey hillbilly feud sometime.

  2. Well said....keep up the good work... my site might be of some help too, check it out:

  3. Finally, someone understands my dating dilemmas. It's not easy being a costumed crime fighting superhero.