Wednesday, August 26, 2009

How to Avoid Being Sucked into a Transdimensional Vortex

1. Avoid standing near transdimensional vortices. They are dangerous and you are likely to be sucked in.

2. Avoid places that have transdimensional vortices or where one might suddenly open up and suck you in. These include, but are not limited to: ancient pyramids, (Mayan or Egyptian) Paleolithic stone circles, black holes, magical gateways, doorways to hell, and laboratories of evil scientists.

3. If standing near a transdimensional vortex is unavoidable (and sometimes that is the case), then whenever possible set up safety handrails and proper safety gates. Further protect yourself by strapping yourself securely to something weighty and secure in our dimension with a safety harness. At the very least, tie a rope around your waist.

4. If you are being sucked into a transdimensional vortex, try and throw someone else in first. Often, a transdimensional vortex will close once someone has fallen through to the other dimension. Whenever possible, try to throw in someone evil instead of someone innocent.

5. A last ditch effort to avoid plunging in, is to cut off the power supply to the transdimensional vortex. As any evil scientist or ancient high cleric can attest, keeping a transdimensional vortex open requires a great deal of energy. Merely remove the power, and often the vortex closes up.

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  1. Personally I try to generate enough negative energy from the 'Well of My Bitterness' to make my energy the opposite of any transdimentional gateway or hole. Then you just bounc off any opening.

  2. I find that, while moraly dishearting, throughing "inocent persons" into a vortex seems to have a longer effect of closing it. I suspect it's because of the taste.}

  3. I arrived in your dimension through such a vortex, apparently I was deemed evil. Anyways, now I'm here I plan on ruling your universe......

  4. A transdimensional vortex formed after a Hadron Collider in an alternate universe malfunctioned and collapsed their universe and merging several others (including my own) into each other. I have been trapped here near a decade now and I am quite upset with the absence of Fruit Chillers at Wal-Mart.