Monday, September 14, 2009

10 Signs that You are a Bad Driver

Sometimes it is difficult to have the objectivity to examine your skills as a driver. In order to help you, I have compiled 10 indications that you might not be as good behind the wheel of a car as you might think.

1. Virtually every passenger who rides with you says “Wow. You are a really bad driver.” If your passengers, after begging for their lives and pleading for you to stop the car, routinely fall out of your automobile, having soiled themselves and still weeping, stumble away to call their parents just to tell them they love them, this might be a good indication that you need to improve your driving skills.

2. You consider traffic laws as “neat suggestions” or “great goals you might try to aspire to”. Attitude is everything, and this attitude makes you a bad driver. This attitude also makes you seem weird and lazy. Time to bone up on your attitude and your driving skills!

3. Hal’s Auto Body & Repair sends you flowers and a bottle of expensive Champagne, and then enrolls you in “The Cookie of the Month Club” to thank you for your continued patronage. Generally, Auto Body Shops do not do this for their average customer. They tend to reserve this to someone who is paying for their kid’s college tuition and their next European vacation.

4. When the court orders you to re-take a Defensive Driving Class, you notice that you are in all the videos they show as the “what not to do” example. Though this might be tempting initially, this is really not something to be proud of. It is a clear sign that even the DMV thinks your driving skills suck. You might want to consider working really hard to become a better driver.

5. You are considered a menace, even on the streets of cities such as Rome, Mumbai, and Mogadishu. And some of the world’s worst drivers are in these places. If that is the case, you might want to consider improving your driving skills.

6. People continually run screaming and leaping out of your way as you drive down the sidewalk. This might really want to start paying attention to this sign of poor driving skills in particular, as it might indicate you are probably not as good of a driver as you might like to believe.

7. You are actively recruited to become a NYC taxi driver. This means that you are a bad driver.

8. You cannot get employed as a NYC taxi driver. This means you are a terrible driver of epic proportions. The kind of terrible driver that legends are made of. You will go down in history as the worst driver in the world.

9. The points against your license are higher than the combined total of your IQ, your credit score, and the number of times you secretly have watched reruns of “The Nanny” and really enjoyed it. I am aghast. I am not sure what I find more appalling, your bad driving record or that you watch… and enjoy… reruns of “The Nanny”. Perhaps this is a symptom of a far greater psychological problem.

10. You think that everyone else on the road is an idiot. This is the definitive sign that you are a bad driver. No, this is proof that you are a terrible driver. Dude, really? I mean, seriously…really?? Unless your name is Einstein or Steven Hawking, the odds that everyone else is stupid and you are the only one who is not is highly, highly improbable. The more likely case is that you’re the idiot! Clearly, you need to learn how to drive or get off the road, dumb ass.

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1 comment:

  1. This is a fun post. I think that every driver must be responsible in a way that they follow traffic rules. I guess it all starts by having discipline. Although we are disciplined drivers, we are not sure that the other drivers on the road are responsible and disciplined like us that's why we have to be extra careful on the road.:)