He has a perfectly tended yard with a beautiful lush garden. It is common knowledge that the most dangerous criminals have a tendency to be really great horticulturalists. You may not know this, but it is a fact that 87% of all serial murders have been on their neighborhood's garden tour at one time or another. It is best not to trust anyone who has an unnatural preoccupation with growing plants.
He is quiet and keeps to himself. The one common element that surfaces during every interview with the next door neighbor of a dangerous criminal is they all say how surprised they are because this individual was “quiet and keep to himself.” Don’t find yourself in this same situation! If your neighbor is “quiet and keeps to himself” then immediately call the police. They are certainly a dangerous criminal.
He asks you to please stop going through his garbage. Most dangerous criminals really don’t like it when you go through their garbage. Don’t let this deter you from discovering your neighbor’s lascivious and unlawful tendencies by finding clues in their refuse! Dig away and learn to protect you and those you love.
He gets angry when you spy on him through his bedroom windows. If your neighbor was not a dangerous criminal, then he has nothing to hide. Then it only makes sense that when you are caught spying on someone who has nothing to hide, they should not get angry. It seems perfectly logical to me.
He is friendly and outgoing, personal, and has wonderful manners. My philosophy is that if something to too good to be true, it probably is. In the same way, if your next door neighbor seems really, really nice, he is certainly a dangerous criminal trying to deceive you by being “nice”. Do not be lured into a false sense of security! The nicer your neighbor seems, the more vigilant you need to be.
He expresses his displeasure when you drop in on him unannounced at odd hours of the day and night. Modern criminologist will attest to the fact that most crimes happen at odd hours of the day and night. It is important to know what your neighbors are doing at those times in order to protect yourself. Only those that are truly guilty of scandalous behavior will fault you for “popping in” from time to time in the middle of the day and night.
He doesn’t appreciate when you organize his mail and then hand deliver it to him. A good neighbor will recognize a good neighbor through their good neighborly qualities. A great quality in a neighbor is one who cares enough to go through a neighbor’s mail to scan for anything that might seem amiss. Again, if your neighbor is not a dangerous criminal, then they have nothing to hid and should not be annoyed when you do this.
He seemed to be cross when he discovers the surveillance equipment you planted in his home. If he is not a dangerous criminal, he should understand that it took a lot of time and money to plant those bugs in his house. Further, he should appreciate your sacrifice in reviewing hours and hours of video looking for illegal activities when you could be at the neighborhood BBQ.
He threatens to call the police if he finds you taking a bubble bath in his bathtub when he isn’t home again. A recent study found that 74% of all dangerous criminals hate it when a total stranger used their bathtub when they were not at home. I recommend that you go ahead and take a luxurious bath in their house! This is a great way to test your neighbor for dangerous criminal tendencies.
He seems to be a real “family man”. He loves his beautiful and smart wife, his well behaved and happy kids, and has earned the trust and respect of the entire neighborhood through his good deeds and behavior. This is clearly a cover for a twisted, evil monster. If your neighbor fits this description, you are certainly dealing with a wicked, treacherous criminal. Do everything in your power to bring this iniquitous madman to justice.
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